Riding on the Wings of Change... again... for realsies this time...

This past Thursday we had a group presentation in Design III-B. Ken invited Tom Griffiths to join in and offer some advice. Well, as I had mentioned some blogs entries to date... I was stuck... seriously smack-dab against a brick wall with what was the 'correct' direction to take my thesis. I think all along I knew what I had to do, but I was very very VERY reluctant to do it because of all the work I had already been putting into my vision. This vision, this initial plan was not as strong or as connected and universally understandable as I'd dreamed it would be. I explained, tiredly I might add, about my vision of the three elements of memory drawings, photographs of meaningful objects, and finally hand written Self definitions all coming together to create this artist version of Self set up in the gallery.

But, as I started to state before in an earlier entry, there was a HUGE problem with connectivity here. If you didn't understand my process, how the hell were you supposed to understand what you were even looking at by the time I set it all up in the gallery? Nope, too many loose ends between the memory drawing being hung on the walls and trying to connect them to the elements in the book, then there were even too many loose connections between the images and the writing in the book. Secondly, the images were not strong enough and robbed the hand written Self definitions of their glory.

So, this is it. I'm saying this now and sticking to it, with nothing but minor detail changes in the foreseeable future... I am basing my thesis on the Definition of Self. The strongest element of my work thus far had been the question I asked originally to be the 'third book' of my Finding Self series. This question, according to Tom, was 'brilliant and genius'. The initial reaction to the question is confusion and unsureness, but the responses I'm getting are beautifully profound and moving.

"Define your Self. Make this as ambiguous as possible. Try to avoid referencing gender, age, specific physical description, or title/social status, ethnicity, etc. Defining your soul, what is inside of you, not your outer shell."

This new, and hopefully and almost positively final direction I am headed in really stems back to my fascination of Iain Thomas' I Wrote This For You. It's the words that are so beautiful and emotional. Just these ambiguous statements that grab at the heart strings.

Fuck the frills, I'm getting down to the raw heart of what my goal is. There will be more to come once I put together my new gallery installation, and also deciding if I will be making a series of poster and/or a book (I may very well do both...)

But now I am opening this project up to anyone who'd like to be in!
Finding Self Directions
All I'd need from you is to download and print the directions out and actually physically write down your definition of Self, remember that anything is correct sparing the limitations I've listed in the directions. If you could somehow get the paper to me physically that would be best. If not, then you could always scan it and send it to me at chibiladykelly@gmail.com :)
Before April would be the best!! Thank you everyone :)

PS the examples below are only short samples, typeset and separated by yours truly... your definition may be as long or as short as you feel you need. Like I said, anything is correct when it comes to you defining your Self.

Definition Excerpt

Definition Excerpt

Definition Excerpt

Making It Happen

So I've spent all weekend tracing over and 'typesetting' the Self Definitions of my participants as I'm collecting them. This is the first time I am trying to create a book out of this material. I had originally estimated that the book would be about 40 pages... no, if I continue down this road it will be much, much more. Which is awesome! I'll try and come up with another layout style, but I really like this one after stumbling upon a book made in the late 1970's that handled the text and image placement relatively the same way, I think it reads more emotionally and artistically.

This is what I have so far, two participants have given me everything so I started with them.
My Self, Your Self

Bunny Better Start Hoppin' To It!!!

Yesterday we had an independent desk critique in my Design III-B class. I was pretty confident in the fact that all my content was coming together, and energetic in my explanations and expectations of what my project will be. There's a problem in that. The sad part is, all I did was show some pieces to a puzzle I haven't even tried to construct yet, I feel like I've let myself down in this area. You see, I haven't even tried to construct a book yet, I should at least have been making spreads as I collected data and have done some test prints but I haven't even done that. I am letting fear stop me from going further and pushing myself. I am afraid of putting hours into something I might eventually change, I am acting unsure of myself and my work, I have seemed to not yet come to terms that I will be creating work that will be in a show and it is going to be really important to show that I can handle working with time constraints, not confining myself to a single idea, and still stay passionate all at the same time.

All this time I have been holding myself back and making excuses, even though I have been working hard I haven't been putting out the work that would be expected of a designer.

So that is going to stop now. This weekend is dedicated to constructing my project, several version if needed, and testing everything out. If it comes down to changing anything, than I change it, I have to let myself not hang on so tightly to some things, I need to be faithful to the content its spirit, and what I want to achieve through my thesis.

On another note, I was attempting to find some inspiration for making such a book. This came through stumbleupon (no longer is it just a means of procrastination, it is an inspiration gold mine!!!)
Please Don't Promise Me Forever

I am going to experiment with that sort of layout, keep it simple, yet have it so that it is perceived with the emotion and depiction of Self that I want my audience to be able to dive into.

Identity Exploration through Valued Objects.

Yesterday I had a very well-deserved and much needed day off with my best friend. Well, I did factor in part two of my thesis content collecting (which IMO was extremely successful and very rewarding.) This part of my thesis project is the investigation through photography of objects that hold value, thus becoming a part of the Self. Aline Smithson's artist statement really sums up what a lot of my research on the multifaceted 'Self' (and by the by, a huge thanks to Mary Schelfo for talking with me so much and giving me the tipoff to such an amazing artist!)

"I take photographs to allow myself and the viewer to linger a little longer within an image. I try to look for or create moments that are at once familiar, yet unexpected. The odd juxtapositions that we find in life are worth exploring, whether it is with humor, compassion, or by simply taking the time to see them.
I have been greatly influenced by the Japanese concept of celebrating a singular object. I tend to isolate subject matter and look for complexity in simple images, providing an opportunity for telling a story in which all is not what it appears to be. The poignancy of childhood, aging, relationships, family, and moments of introspection or contemplation continue to draw my interest. I want to create pictures that evoke a universal memory." - Aline Smithson

Trying to embody Self in photography is difficult work. Trying to master a macro lens doesn't make it any easier but I am getting much better at it with practice and time, a tripod and wireless shutter release help out a bit too. As my thesis content is coming together I am getting more and more excited. The ideas keep coming and changing, I have talked with Ken Meier and have made the decision as of now that I am confining my idea too much by limiting myself to making just books. We both think if I took an element, especially something like the memory drawing, and blew them up and hung them on the walls in my corner, that would present them greater than it would in a 'dinky' ten page book. It is safe to say I need to reformulate a plan quickly and by the end of February when I proposed to have all of my content collected and ready to be utilized into whatever form I choose. Wish me luck!!

Thank you Lord, for this macro lens!!!!!!!!!

So I am finally back home in Toms River. Upon my arrival I immediately threw down all of my baggage and ran into my bedroom to open up a package containing my Canon Macro lens. I read all the directions and then started playing with it. Words cannot really describe how excited I am to have received this gift, I know I bought it for myself but the fact that I was able to do that is amazing.

Now that I'd barely slept because I was running around taking pictures of everything, I realize what a challenge this lens presents me. Controlling the depth of field and focus has proven to be quiet difficult even with the IS technology. But who wouldn't love such a challenge? I get to really focus and hone in on my abilities as an artist and a photographer. Practice, practice, practice!! Good thing I'd also gotten a tripod, a remote shutter release, and at most times a steady hand.

To amplify the challenge, I'd discussed with Annie Hogan and my independent study group about a focus that deviates from thesis, not completely but in it's own special way. I'm going to investigate my family through photography, a challenge that is both rewarding and terrifying because of the changes we have been and are still going through. Revealing things about myself had never been all that much of a problem for me, but revealing them about myself in the context of my family is another story. That is not to say that I am at all ashamed of them, that is not ever the case, it just makes me feel more vulnerable than most anything, but I believe in conquering that through photographic narrative I'll have stepped up to a new level as a person an an artist. Sweet deal, brah.

Tentative Time Table for Thesis Production

Feb 8^th- I have 6 memory drawings and am waiting on 4 more (one is my own)

I have 2 Self Definitions.

Feb 10^th- I plan on having collected the other 3 memory drawings as well as have drawn my own.

Feb 11^th- I will be going home to TR to retrieve my Macro lens in order to begin collecting my content for book 2.

By Feb 17^th- I plan on having content for book 2 from 5 people including myself. I also plan on collecting 5 more definitions of self, bringing my total to 7, and hopefully having the definitions from 3 others.

By Feb 22^nd- I plan on getting the cont for book 2 from the 5 remaining, completing my gathering of content for my books. Then I will need to seriously consider layout, typography, color scheme, and material and function of my books.

All this time I will be on the look out for furniture to use in my installation. I am focusing on using mainly wooden and gender-neutral tables/desks and chairs/stools. I also need to consider other surrounding such as floor and wall and the extent that I would or would not like to decorate these surfaces.

By Feb 24^th- I would like to have reviewed my content and made decisions if anything needs to be changed or altered, if any photographs need to be retaken, so on and so forth.

March, and the remaining time in April, will be completely dedicated to the production of my book in choosing materials, knowing the function of my book and have made a decision on whether I will be binding them or go to a professional to do so. I would also like to have secured all of the furniture I need for the exhibit as well as made a decision about the wall and floor space and have secured the materials for that, if needed.

Thesis Critique 2/4

You Left This Here (2010) Photo/Text on Cardstock/Interactive

I was up for critique in this Friday's class. Our group would usually have Gerry but that day we had Derek. I presented Derek and the rest of the crit group with my experimental project "You Left This Here" and my Self Archive. In showing my former experiments in trying to construct Self though design I was able to fill in those who have not seen my work (most of those in my group now had not) on the direction I was now heading in for our exhibition. What the YLTH project did was evoke memories of 'universal' events signified by certain items of objects, this includes holidays and other such life events like graduations or weddings. When presented to the group I talked about how most of my work has a 'pay it forward' quality where my intentions are to give my audience the chance to investigate themselves in terms of identity, memories, and meaning. It brought me into my thesis project, I am putting together three books that utilize memories, objects of meaning, and written definitions of participants (including myself as a participant.) Displaying these things appropriately I am presenting these three books to my audience to play off of their imagination and.or wisdom (valid tools human beings use in identity experimentation and understanding.)

Derek seemed very enthusiastic about my idea, stating that a lot of contemporary art movements have been centered around engaging a society that had become so withdrawn into computer screens and plastic connections that have taken the place of face-to-face interaction. He also praised my idea of the book as a tool for displaying my content because of it's ability of hold a lot of content and demanding attention for more than a moment, as the viewer needs to put a certain amount of energy in holding it and turning the pages to access all the information. I was given several names which were very helpful because they focused on the act of interaction in works that would help me in considering how to set up my books in the 'perfect' display for the show.