Saturday, April 23, 2011

"Helping other people helps me. Having guts always works out for me."



This past Friday (4/22) my fully installed thesis project, a poster series titled Finding Self, was critiqued by visiting designer Yoonjai Choi. I explained what the poster series was, a collection of 24 definitions of Self from friends, family, and myself included. I also made a process book for her to see how I came to this point from start to finish (I had a completely different idea for my content container and about 2/3 more content.) I picked out some of my favorites and told her a bit about the person who wrote it.

Yoonjai had talked about my level of content control in this case as more of an editor of the final content rather than a 'designer'... in this case, specifically. She said that yes, it was arranged in a grid and printed on paper, but she wanted me to describe how I saw myself as the designer. I explained that when all I wanted to do was make books (because I love them), I worked so hard in thinking and rethinking, collecting so much content, trying to make it all fit and work, and trying really hard, sometimes to the point of tears. I told her that I was the designer because of my decision to let go of over half of my content and changed my vision to one that was not necessarily something I'd usually work with. I let the content lead me in order to make it as powerful as it was.

I was then asked if I had considered taking the handwriting and translating it to a typeface. I told her that was actually something that I was working on in the way beginnings of my thesis development (during the 'I'm doing a series of books' phase.) She said that, of course, nothing was right or wrong in that sense, and also explained how the translation from handwriting to type can sometimes make things more 'authoritative.' Another aspect she brought up with the handwriting is that some are slightly more legible than others, so some will be read first and most and other last and less.

When she looked through my process book she told me that my making it was a huge comfort to her. She liked how simple the design of it was (even though it's not necessarily part of my thesis, as it will not be on display with the posters.) She thought that my inclusion of the original definitions of Self were more insightful and gave the project a different feel. She had a few suggestions for the least strong elements of the book such as the handling of typography on the cover and that my inclusion of the content that was discarded (the original book content that lead up to my decision to make posters instead of books) was jarring and could possibly do to have it's own book because of how different it felt from the entire simplicity of just having the original definitions.

I was asked what I wanted to accomplish with this project. I said I felt that lately in the world people have a hard time, or no time, to look at themselves and learn about who they are. What I wanted from this project was to touch people and have them soul-search to try and describe themselves; to see themselves and spend time with themselves. I also wanted there to be connectivity between people, to have my audience look at the writings and feel close to someone else. That's what I want out of everything I do in my design career, to be able to connect with people and give something back. Yoonjai asked what I liked working with, medium-wise, besides books of course, so I replied of course books because I like the intricacy of working with type, grids, pages, and so on, but I really have to say I like doing it all... that everything I learned to do at Mason Gross and what I'd done with some freelancing was wonderful to me.

We concluded the critique with Yoonjai telling me that sometimes designers will look back on their work 7 years later and ask themselves 'why did I do something like that?' but that I would look back and even if I questioned certain elements of the project, that I would still carry something special and sentimental that I've gained from having this experience. The highlight of my critique was when Yoonjai told me I was a very brave, passionate, and free-spirited designer to take such a chance with content, relying on others, and using a medium I may not be comfortable or enthusiastic about. She told me not to loose that because designers will sometimes feel they need to be married to certain ways and always apply what they've learned, and to be brave and take chances can sometimes be beneficial... and to also not be too free, because sometimes too much freedom is overwhelming and restrictions can be useful in shaping a project.

Monday, April 18, 2011

installation via cell phone camera

More better Canon Rebel pictures to come of course, but this is what Bri and I accomplished together when we installed my 24 Definition of Self Posters.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Final Touches!!!

I'm working on a rough version of my process book that will hopefully act as an aid to my thesis installation.

I want this book to be simple but give more of a look into self, particularly the selves of my participants and I. I don't want to go against the ambiguity and open-endedness of my entire thesis by adding in details of the participants such as age, gender, ethnicity into the book but I do want to give a little more.
I also didn't want to include any material I had discarded through the development of my thesis, such as the memory drawings and meaningful object photos.

Here, for now, I have the original documented definitions of Self before I edited them to select lines for the posters. I also put the names of each participant. If anyone has any other suggestions I'd appreciate immediate feedback!!

Rough Draft Process Book

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Pretty Please with a Cherry on Top!!!



Participants who have filled out their Definition of Self and given it to me:
Abbey
Alex
Amanda
Ashley
Briana
Byron
Christine
Daniel
Drew
Eddy
Elaine
James
Jenny
Kasia
Kelly (Me)
Luke
Mike
Nina
Nico
Travis
Unknown
=22


I think I'll be able to get it all done by the end of this week, but I just in case some of the possible participants don't make it I'd still take more Definitions of Self from anyone :)


Fill out your own Definition of Self on blank, line-less paper and either give it to me personally or scan it and email it to chibiladykelly@gmail.com

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Point I'm At...


So I'm at the point where I've decided what to do for thesis and the only thing I'm lacking is in my ability to care enough.
 I wish it were just senioritis that I could blame, but too much is going on around me that is making me feel like a sitting duck.

I just wrote my own Definition of Self today, I decided to wait until I felt I was in a better place mentally, physically, and emotionally. By 'better place' I honestly mean a place that is usually me, what I honestly believe to by my true definition of Self. What I wrote mainly consisted of how strong I am, how I fight through, and how I love and understand Me, and how I wish it could be the same way for everyone else.

I think what I really wanted from this project was for people to look at themselves and define their Self... and feel good about it? I was questioned about my methods for collecting the definitions, I felt accused of 'leading' my participants to answer a certain way. This is something I rebuke because I never wanted my participants to answer a certain way, I wanted them to answer their way and yeah, essentially I hoped all my participants would write something they'd be proud of, and I am also understanding that means something different to everyone. I am the designer of this little thesis creation, I am also an 'Incurable Optimist' to quote Michael J. Fox; So if that permeated into my directions and thus the results... well, good.

What I've observed is people wrote both good and not so good things about their Selves. Not terrible being as we're all human, we have flaws as well wonderful parts that makes us who we are. But I think it makes me sad to see that the people around me never really say how beautiful they are and how they love the person they have become (and this is a generalization, I'm not pinpointing anyone at all.) Only two or three people stated clearly their confidence and openly expressed their love for their Self.

Right now in my life, I watch the people that I love struggle with their perspectives on their physical, emotional, and spiritual beings. No one feels complete joy, no one feels beautiful, no one seems to love themselves because they are struggling with weight and eating disorders, they husband or boyfriend or the girl they secretly love doesn't acknowledge them, they aren't smart enough, they are struggling for validation by someone who never gives it... etc etc etc.

You have to wonder if it's too much to hope that I could touch people even a little bit to make them look at their selves and feel love?

Poster Sets v1

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Critique on 3/4/11

I was up for critique this week, and after all the work, thought and alterations that I've been putting into my thesis, not to mention this that and everything else that life has been throwing at me, I'm completely exhausted. I am at that point where I was listening and open to what was said throughout the crit, but I am confident and dedicated to what I want to do for the show, all that needs to be worked out now is some details in my book content and my means of installation.

I felt this time around that the over-all opinion was that I was not going in a direction that is
'expected' of a graphic design major. Some suggestion consisted of my changing my means of presentation all together by use of technology such as a computer, projections, websites, etc. The thing is that none of that, in my heartfelt belief, really helps me in what I am trying to do. I think an important element of being a designer, or in the words of Raphael Ortiz 'an artist who is now practicing in the field of graphic design,' is to remember that you shouldn't be married to a tool such as the computer. As a designer it is my goal to convey information, but I want to do it in the same passionate and heart felt way just as designers like Stefan Sagmeister. To do that I have asked a question to people who were reliable and available to me, because I had to invest and element of emotion and trust in knowing that my participants would take the time and really dissect their Selves in order to try and translate that into hand written words. Handwriting is something that is raw, emotional, eye-opening, and a unique extension of one's Self that is the most captivating and stimulating element of what I am trying to do, it is the most meaningful part and I feel adds that heart into my design, something that a typeface would not be able to do as well.

I was given a very good suggestion of how I should install my posters (even though there was doubt of whether I should do them...) so I'm looking into heavy duty mounting magnets to hang them.

This critique was completely different from any of the others I've had in thesis or in my design class. As I had mentioned, I am feeling very fatigued with the whole process and just want to do what I want to do, and personally feel that I was much more confident and happy with the feedback and support I'm receiving in my design critiques (I suppose that is to be expected). I also am pleased because it seems that my idea is translating very well in the way I am going about it, and that the only debate was in the way I am presenting the information, which I will stick with and improve on until it is time to install.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Riding on the Wings of Change... again... for realsies this time...

This past Thursday we had a group presentation in Design III-B. Ken invited Tom Griffiths to join in and offer some advice. Well, as I had mentioned some blogs entries to date... I was stuck... seriously smack-dab against a brick wall with what was the 'correct' direction to take my thesis. I think all along I knew what I had to do, but I was very very VERY reluctant to do it because of all the work I had already been putting into my vision. This vision, this initial plan was not as strong or as connected and universally understandable as I'd dreamed it would be. I explained, tiredly I might add, about my vision of the three elements of memory drawings, photographs of meaningful objects, and finally hand written Self definitions all coming together to create this artist version of Self set up in the gallery.
But, as I started to state before in an earlier entry, there was a HUGE problem with connectivity here. If you didn't understand my process, how the hell were you supposed to understand what you were even looking at by the time I set it all up in the gallery? Nope, too many loose ends between the memory drawing being hung on the walls and trying to connect them to the elements in the book, then there were even too many loose connections between the images and the writing in the book. Secondly, the images were not strong enough and robbed the hand written Self definitions of their glory.
So, this is it. I'm saying this now and sticking to it, with nothing but minor detail changes in the foreseeable future... I am basing my thesis on the Definition of Self. The strongest element of my work thus far had been the question I asked originally to be the 'third book' of my Finding Self series. This question, according to Tom, was 'brilliant and genius'. The initial reaction to the question is confusion and unsureness, but the responses I'm getting are beautifully profound and moving.
"Define your Self. Make this as ambiguous as possible. Try to avoid referencing gender, age, specific physical description, or title/social status, ethnicity, etc. Defining your soul, what is inside of you, not your outer shell."
This new, and hopefully and almost positively final direction I am headed in really stems back to my fascination of Iain Thomas' I Wrote This For You. It's the words that are so beautiful and emotional. Just these ambiguous statements that grab at the heart strings.

Fuck the frills, I'm getting down to the raw heart of what my goal is. There will be more to come once I put together my new gallery installation, and also deciding if I will be making a series of poster and/or a book (I may very well do both...)

But now I am opening this project up to anyone who'd like to be in!
Finding Self Directions
All I'd need from you is to download and print the directions out and actually physically write down your definition of Self, remember that anything is correct sparing the limitations I've listed in the directions. If you could somehow get the paper to me physically that would be best. If not, then you could always scan it and send it to me at chibiladykelly@gmail.com :)
Before April would be the best!! Thank you everyone :)

PS the examples below are only short samples, typeset and separated by yours truly... your definition may be as long or as short as you feel you need. Like I said, anything is correct when it comes to you defining your Self.

Definition Excerpt

Definition Excerpt
Definition Excerpt


Monday, February 21, 2011

Making It Happen

So I've spent all weekend tracing over and 'typesetting' the Self Definitions of my participants as I'm collecting them. This is the first time I am trying to create a book out of this material. I had originally estimated that the book would be about 40 pages... no, if I continue down this road it will be much, much more. Which is awesome! I'll try and come up with another layout style, but I really like this one after stumbling upon a book made in the late 1970's that handled the text and image placement relatively the same way, I think it reads more emotionally and artistically.

This is what I have so far, two participants have given me everything so I started with them.
My Self, Your Self

Friday, February 18, 2011

Bunny Better Start Hoppin' To It!!!

Yesterday we had an independent desk critique in my Design III-B class. I was pretty confident in the fact that all my content was coming together, and energetic in my explanations and expectations of what my project will be. There's a problem in that. The sad part is, all I did was show some pieces to a puzzle I haven't even tried to construct yet, I feel like I've let myself down in this area. You see, I haven't even tried to construct a book yet, I should at least have been making spreads as I collected data and have done some test prints but I haven't even done that. I am letting fear stop me from going further and pushing myself. I am afraid of putting hours into something I might eventually change, I am acting unsure of myself and my work, I have seemed to not yet come to terms that I will be creating work that will be in a show and it is going to be really important to show that I can handle working with time constraints, not confining myself to a single idea, and still stay passionate all at the same time.

All this time I have been holding myself back and making excuses, even though I have been working hard I haven't been putting out the work that would be expected of a designer.

So that is going to stop now. This weekend is dedicated to constructing my project, several version if needed, and testing everything out. If it comes down to changing anything, than I change it, I have to let myself not hang on so tightly to some things, I need to be faithful to the content its spirit, and what I want to achieve through my thesis.

On another note, I was attempting to find some inspiration for making such a book. This came through stumbleupon (no longer is it just a means of procrastination, it is an inspiration gold mine!!!)
Please Don't Promise Me Forever

I am going to experiment with that sort of layout, keep it simple, yet have it so that it is perceived with the emotion and depiction of Self that I want my audience to be able to dive into.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Identity Exploration through Valued Objects.

Yesterday I had a very well-deserved and much needed day off with my best friend. Well, I did factor in part two of my thesis content collecting (which IMO was extremely successful and very rewarding.) This part of my thesis project is the investigation through photography of objects that hold value, thus becoming a part of the Self. Aline Smithson's artist statement really sums up what a lot of my research on the multifaceted 'Self' (and by the by, a huge thanks to Mary Schelfo for talking with me so much and giving me the tipoff to such an amazing artist!)
"I take photographs to allow myself and the viewer to linger a little longer within an image. I try to look for or create moments that are at once familiar, yet unexpected. The odd juxtapositions that we find in life are worth exploring, whether it is with humor, compassion, or by simply taking the time to see them.
I have been greatly influenced by the Japanese concept of celebrating a singular object. I tend to isolate subject matter and look for complexity in simple images, providing an opportunity for telling a story in which all is not what it appears to be. The poignancy of childhood, aging, relationships, family, and moments of introspection or contemplation continue to draw my interest. I want to create pictures that evoke a universal memory." - Aline Smithson

Trying to embody Self in photography is difficult work. Trying to master a macro lens doesn't make it any easier but I am getting much better at it with practice and time, a tripod and wireless shutter release help out a bit too. As my thesis content is coming together I am getting more and more excited. The ideas keep coming and changing, I have talked with Ken Meier and have made the decision as of now that I am confining my idea too much by limiting myself to making just books. We both think if I took an element, especially something like the memory drawing, and blew them up and hung them on the walls in my corner, that would present them greater than it would in a 'dinky' ten page book. It is safe to say I need to reformulate a plan quickly and by the end of February when I proposed to have all of my content collected and ready to be utilized into whatever form I choose. Wish me luck!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Thank you Lord, for this macro lens!!!!!!!!!

So I am finally back home in Toms River. Upon my arrival I immediately threw down all of my baggage and ran into my bedroom to open up a package containing my Canon Macro lens. I read all the directions and then started playing with it. Words cannot really describe how excited I am to have received this gift, I know I bought it for myself but the fact that I was able to do that is amazing.

Now that I'd barely slept because I was running around taking pictures of everything, I realize what a challenge this lens presents me. Controlling the depth of field and focus has proven to be quiet difficult even with the IS technology. But who wouldn't love such a challenge? I get to really focus and hone in on my abilities as an artist and a photographer. Practice, practice, practice!! Good thing I'd also gotten a tripod, a remote shutter release, and at most times a steady hand.

To amplify the challenge, I'd discussed with Annie Hogan and my independent study group about a focus that deviates from thesis, not completely but in it's own special way. I'm going to investigate my family through photography, a challenge that is both rewarding and terrifying because of the changes we have been and are still going through. Revealing things about myself had never been all that much of a problem for me, but revealing them about myself in the context of my family is another story. That is not to say that I am at all ashamed of them, that is not ever the case, it just makes me feel more vulnerable than most anything, but I believe in conquering that through photographic narrative I'll have stepped up to a new level as a person an an artist. Sweet deal, brah.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Tentative Time Table for Thesis Production

Feb 8th- I have 6 memory drawings and am waiting on 4 more (one is my own)
I have 2 Self Definitions.

Feb 10th- I plan on having collected the other 3 memory drawings as well as have drawn my own.

Feb 11th- I will be going home to TR to retrieve my Macro lens in order to begin collecting my content for book 2.

By Feb 17th- I plan on having content for book 2 from 5 people including myself. I also plan on collecting 5 more definitions of self, bringing my total to 7, and hopefully having the definitions from 3 others.

By Feb 22nd- I plan on getting the cont for book 2 from the 5 remaining, completing my gathering of content for my books. Then I will need to seriously consider layout, typography, color scheme, and material and function of my books.
All this time I will be on the look out for furniture to use in my installation. I am focusing on using mainly wooden and gender-neutral tables/desks and chairs/stools. I also need to consider other surrounding such as floor and wall and the extent that I would or would not like to decorate these surfaces.

By Feb 24th- I would like to have reviewed my content and made decisions if anything needs to be changed or altered, if any photographs need to be retaken, so on and so forth.

March, and the remaining time in April, will be completely dedicated to the production of my book in choosing materials, knowing the function of my book and have made a decision on whether I will be binding them or go to a professional to do so. I would also like to have secured all of the furniture I need for the exhibit as well as made a decision about the wall and floor space and have secured the materials for that, if needed.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Thesis Critique 2/4

You Left This Here (2010) Photo/Text on Cardstock/Interactive
I was up for critique in this Friday's class. Our group would usually have Gerry but that day we had Derek. I presented Derek and the rest of the crit group with my experimental project "You Left This Here" and my Self Archive. In showing my former experiments in trying to construct Self though design I was able to fill in those who have not seen my work (most of those in my group now had not) on the direction I was now heading in for our exhibition. What the YLTH project did was evoke memories of 'universal' events signified by certain items of objects, this includes holidays and other such life events like graduations or weddings. When presented to the group I talked about how most of my work has a 'pay it forward' quality where my intentions are to give my audience the chance to investigate themselves in terms of identity, memories, and meaning. It brought me into my thesis project, I am putting together three books that utilize memories, objects of meaning, and written definitions of participants (including myself as a participant.) Displaying these things appropriately I am presenting these three books to my audience to play off of their imagination and.or wisdom (valid tools human beings use in identity experimentation and understanding.)

Derek seemed very enthusiastic about my idea, stating that a lot of contemporary art movements have been centered around engaging a society that had become so withdrawn into computer screens and plastic connections that have taken the place of face-to-face interaction. He also praised my idea of the book as a tool for displaying my content because of it's ability of hold a lot of content and demanding attention for more than a moment, as the viewer needs to put a certain amount of energy in holding it and turning the pages to access all the information. I was given several names which were very helpful because they focused on the act of interaction in works that would help me in considering how to set up my books in the 'perfect' display for the show.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Revised Thesis draft numero uno

'Finding Self' revision draft 1

I'm pretty happy with how heavily I revised my writing since last semester. I do feel I need to work on cleaning up (I may have been -that means I was- too repetitive with the wording) and also need work on integrating support text and images into the body of the paper.

Any peers that want to leave feedback, suggestions, praises, or otherwise opinions feel free, I know we don't really get to go over our written work together as much as our studio work...